Surviving Pet Loss
and Grief
and Grief
SURVIVING PET LOSS
When you face that huge emptiness inside, it's tempting to just give yourself over to grief. At the
same time, a certain amount of survival instinct reminds you that you still need to do something to
keep going. But what? Grief makes it hard to think, to plan. What can you do to keep that hole
from swallowing you?
1. Eat something. You may not feel hungry, but food is important. Grief burns a lot of energy; you
need fuel. If you can't face a full meal, nibble. Eat NOW, whether you want to or not.
2. Cry. Cry as much as you want to, whenever you feel like it.
3. Find something to do. This may seem trite, but focusing on a task really does help. The more
you do, the less you dwell...
4. Count your blessings. When you lose a loved one, it's hard to focus on anything positive.
Remind yourself of some of the good things that you still have by deliberately reviewing a list of
your "blessings" - such as your family, your remaining pets, your friends, your interests.
5. Reflect on things that don't involve your pet. The loss of your pet may seem to touch every
aspect of your life, but in reality, it hasn't changed EVERYTHING. Reflect on things that have not
changed -- the things that you did and enjoyed without your pet.
6. Cuddle something furry. If you have another pet, give it some extra cuddle time - even though
part of your mind is thinking that this isn't the pet you WANT to cuddle. It's still warm, and furry,
and may be very confused and concerned right now. If you don't have another pet, consider
cuddling a stuffed animal. Spouses are nice, but you need fur. It sounds strange but at least try
it.
7. Avoid irrevocable decisions. Don't do anything you can't undo. For example, if you can't stand
the sight of your pet's toys, don't throw them away - put them in a box out of sight.
8. Replace negative imagery. The last moments of your pet's life can become a powerful image,
whether you witnessed them or not. If you believe that pets go on to an afterlife, for example, try
replacing the image of the "last" moment of your pet's life with the "next" moment: The moment it
arrives, healthy and whole, on the other side. If you don't believe in an afterlife, concentrate on
the special things you did for your pet to make THIS life a blessing for it.
9. Be honest with yourself. You've been wounded, and you hurt. You're not weak, crazy, or overly
sentimental to feel this way. You WILL hurt, and it will take time to heal.
10. Make a decision to work through grief. For some people grief has persisted for years: They
are just as upset, just as angry, just as miserable over their loss as they were the day it
happened. Such people tend to be consumed with bitterness, obsessing over their loss - and not
only do they suffer, but they also bring suffering to everyone around them. You can't control
whether or not you grieve. But you can decide whether or not to let that grief control YOU.
Lastly, be sad for those who lives will never be touched by such a wonderful creature. They may
never know this feeling. You may not feel like it now, but it is a blessing and you have gained
spiritually from it.
Cherish the memories with a warm smile. Smile because you know that pets always feel what you
do...make them happy to know you are well.
When you face that huge emptiness inside, it's tempting to just give yourself over to grief. At the
same time, a certain amount of survival instinct reminds you that you still need to do something to
keep going. But what? Grief makes it hard to think, to plan. What can you do to keep that hole
from swallowing you?
1. Eat something. You may not feel hungry, but food is important. Grief burns a lot of energy; you
need fuel. If you can't face a full meal, nibble. Eat NOW, whether you want to or not.
2. Cry. Cry as much as you want to, whenever you feel like it.
3. Find something to do. This may seem trite, but focusing on a task really does help. The more
you do, the less you dwell...
4. Count your blessings. When you lose a loved one, it's hard to focus on anything positive.
Remind yourself of some of the good things that you still have by deliberately reviewing a list of
your "blessings" - such as your family, your remaining pets, your friends, your interests.
5. Reflect on things that don't involve your pet. The loss of your pet may seem to touch every
aspect of your life, but in reality, it hasn't changed EVERYTHING. Reflect on things that have not
changed -- the things that you did and enjoyed without your pet.
6. Cuddle something furry. If you have another pet, give it some extra cuddle time - even though
part of your mind is thinking that this isn't the pet you WANT to cuddle. It's still warm, and furry,
and may be very confused and concerned right now. If you don't have another pet, consider
cuddling a stuffed animal. Spouses are nice, but you need fur. It sounds strange but at least try
it.
7. Avoid irrevocable decisions. Don't do anything you can't undo. For example, if you can't stand
the sight of your pet's toys, don't throw them away - put them in a box out of sight.
8. Replace negative imagery. The last moments of your pet's life can become a powerful image,
whether you witnessed them or not. If you believe that pets go on to an afterlife, for example, try
replacing the image of the "last" moment of your pet's life with the "next" moment: The moment it
arrives, healthy and whole, on the other side. If you don't believe in an afterlife, concentrate on
the special things you did for your pet to make THIS life a blessing for it.
9. Be honest with yourself. You've been wounded, and you hurt. You're not weak, crazy, or overly
sentimental to feel this way. You WILL hurt, and it will take time to heal.
10. Make a decision to work through grief. For some people grief has persisted for years: They
are just as upset, just as angry, just as miserable over their loss as they were the day it
happened. Such people tend to be consumed with bitterness, obsessing over their loss - and not
only do they suffer, but they also bring suffering to everyone around them. You can't control
whether or not you grieve. But you can decide whether or not to let that grief control YOU.
Lastly, be sad for those who lives will never be touched by such a wonderful creature. They may
never know this feeling. You may not feel like it now, but it is a blessing and you have gained
spiritually from it.
Cherish the memories with a warm smile. Smile because you know that pets always feel what you
do...make them happy to know you are well.
Don't Forget your other pets
feelings!
We all know of animals who have stopped
eating, playing, or interacting when
another pet in the household has died.
They are experiencing a loss of their own;
plus they often sense the owner's sorrow
as well. After a pet dies, we can help the
other pets in the household by keeping
their routines as unchanged as possible.
Increasing their activity through going for
walks or playing with toys may be helpful.
This will not only benefit your pet, but help
you too. If they are acting depressed or
are not eating, be careful not to reinforce
or reward their behavior. Giving them
extra attention or different food when they
behave this way may actually cause them
to start using those behaviors as ways to
obtain more attention or get special treats.